Figuring out how to control an out of control child is hard enough at home, but what do you do when the school starts calling regularly because your child simply will not behave in the classroom?
Not only is this a socially difficult challenge, but it can be a worrisome one, as well. What if you cannot solve this dilemma? How will your child get the education he needs? How will this affect his friendships with other children?
What if it's even worse. What if no one wants to be your child's friend at all?
These are painful - even frightening - questions that don't always come with straightforward answers.
Here is a short list of things to take seriously when your child is developing a pattern of out of control behavior at school.
- Stay calm.
You know this, of course. Panic never helps, but face it, when you contact your child's teacher or principal to talk you may feel like you are the little kid again and in trouble yourself.
That's understandable. So take a deep breath and remember that you have just become your child's advocate and no one knows your child like you. Even more important, no one cares about your child like you.
- Start a file.
This is far too emotional of a situation to depend upon keeping everything straight in your head. Write down what you want to ask your child's teacher. You'll want to know all the facts: what exactly has your child done that has caused problems? What did the teacher see was the provocation? Always track the approximate time of a difficulty, if you can. You may pick up on a pattern that no one previously saw.
Now, don't use this information as a club over the teacher's head. Show him or her you are on a fact gathering mission to help everyone involved. Which brings us to our next point.
- This is YOUR child; not the teacher's child.
She may be a fantastic teacher but she's got twenty, thirty or more little darlings in her class to deal with everyday for up to eight hours. Chances are high, your child is not her only challenge.
Be gracious. Ask how you can work with her to make the classroom better for everyone. Try to work as a team to improve this unnerving situation.
- See for yourself.
It's one thing to be told your child has an ongoing problem with difficult behavior. It's another thing to witness it yourself.
Don't misunderstand me here. I am currently raising my fourth child and I take teachers' comments about my children very seriously. The point is that because you know your child so well, viewing her behavior in a classroom setting will tell you if you see that same behavior at home or other venues.
If possible, it's often best to view your child without being noticed by the class. You want to see, as accurately as possible, your child's behavior when she doesn't know that Mom or Dad is watching.
So remember, for your child's sake, stay as neutral as possible while working with his teacher. Do your best to gather the facts, stay calm and be the best advocate you can for your child. Only then will you be in a position to make useful decisions.
If the facts warrant it, be willing to face the hard truth that you have the beginnings of an out of control child. If this is the case, the sooner you see the situation for what it is, the sooner you can develop a plan and help your precious child stop his self-destructive behavior.
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